A Perfect Match by Sinead Moriarty

Author:Sinead Moriarty
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780141911496
Publisher: Penguin Adult
Published: 2005-11-24T05:00:00+00:00

19

As James had so eagerly volunteered himself to cook a Russian meal, I decided to let him do the work. My contribution was a bottle of Russian vodka from the local off-licence. I busied myself with researching our family trees. We each had to do a detailed family tree, noting who died of what, when and where. I was a bit hazy about the exact causes of my grandparents’ deaths, so I called Mum.

‘Hi.’

‘Hello, love, how are you?’

‘Fine, thanks. I need to ask you a few questions for the course.’

‘No.’

‘What?’

‘No, I do not regret smacking you on the bottom when you were bold. I think children today would be a lot better behaved if they got a few smacks on the backsides. All this mumbo jumbo about reasoning with them is poppycock. If a child is roaring in the middle of a supermarket because you won’t buy it jellies that’ll rot its teeth, you’re hardly going to start up a debate. A quick smack will sort it out for you. I’m sure the social workers say it’s the wrong thing to do, but I stand by it. Besides, it never did you any harm.’

‘Right, OK. Well, thanks for that, but actually I need to ask vou about the family medical history.’

‘Oh.’

‘What did Granny and Grandad die of?’

‘My poor mother – God rest her soul – died of kidney failure and my father died of a heart attack.’

‘What about Dad’s parents?’

‘His mother died of Alzheimer’s and his father died of lung cancer.’

‘OK, thanks,’ I said, scribbling down the details.

‘How’s it all going anyway?’

‘All right, it’s tough going. They seem to be intent on freaking us out by showing us videos of horrible orphanages and children who’ve been adopted and have had really big problems coming to terms with it.’

‘Those bloody social workers are a scourge on society. Interfering in decent people’s lives and claiming that everyone’s a child molester …’

My mother had no time for social workers. She had a friend who had a friend whose sister’s cousin had been accused of abusing her daughter because she had gone to school with bruises on her legs. The parents had been investigated and put through hell until it was established that the daughter had got the bruises while playing hockey. Ever since then, Mum had been and all social workers. It was a good thing your family couldn’t be your adoption referees, there was no way I’d want Mum let loose on them.

‘– it’s just plain ridiculous. Any child would be blessed to end up in a nice home with two good parents.’

‘Do you think I’ll be a good mother?’ I asked, fishing for compliments.

‘I think you’re going to get a shock,’ said Mum.

‘What d’you mean?’

‘Having children isn’t easy. It’s a full-time job. You won’t have any time for yourself. Your life as you know it will be turned upside down.’

‘God, I’m so sick of people saying that. All I keep hearing is how when you have children your life changes so much and it’s so hard and you never get time alone, blah blah blah.

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